I know this is not the kind of stuff I should be posting online, but since it's basically just Sean reading this, I'm gonna do this anyways.
I spent my night in a home full of drug dealers and cold blooded killers. This is no exaggeration. Not in the least bit. I am talking big time dealers, ones that wouldn't hesitate to put people in the hospital (or the morgue), and people who have done serious time for man slaughter. I don't know why I put myself in these situations where I am forced to be around these kinds of people. I think the worst part about it is that I wasn't in the least bit concerned for my own safety. I was completely mellow. I think this is mostly because these people made it very clear (even though they had JUST met me tonight) that they were on my side. They have my back. But still, regardless of this fact I should have been terrified.
Tonight has just been totally confusing. My best friend's boyfriend was trying to get me involved with one of his good friends. He seemed like a decent guy, even though he wasn't necessarily the kind of person you want to be involved with...
Always follow your instincts. Never believe in first impressions. Turns out he's just a fucking jerk. Oh well. What guy isn't these days?
I want a real relationship so bad. One that is based off of real feelings and truth, as opposed to sexual attraction. I am tired of developing feelings for people who want nothing more than to have a "good time". I'm not into that, not at all!
Ugh, I don't even know why I'm ranting on about this. I guess I'm just sick and tired of the direction my life is headed in and the people I am putting myself around. I don't feel right anymore. I literally have difficulties seeing through my bare eyes nowadays. It's like I am permanently high or something (I don't even do drugs anymore). Everything is just fucked up. Nothing makes sense.
Some days, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I'm not saying this as though I wish I were dead. I seriously just want to be asleep. Everything makes perfect sense in my dreams.
My dreams are my reality. When I'm awake, nothing feels right. Nothing feels real.
I don't even know if I'm making sense. It's 242am and I'm just... Completely out of my element.
More to be posted later.
Avito.
- Cherron
